I’m in the middle of a novel where one of the characters is placed in cryogenic sleep*- after suffering an accident and awaiting an organ transplant. All the while, he’s having dreams-and, like the rest of us- he’s wholly unaware that he is in a dream.
In the dream-he lives on a distant planet with very few other colonists. His only neighbor is dying of M.S. yet- he could not be bothered with it. Finds her pleas for companionship a nuisance and makes up all sorts of lies in avoidance of facing her and her illness.
It’s an effective way to convey our particular dilemma- being alive for a little while- with all our conflicting needs, wants and desires and never getting a sense of the potentially illusory nature of it all.
Reading about this character and his dreams -made me feel an inner pang because, I could relate. And although I am not immune from bouts of selfishness and insensitivity -the worst of my behavior predates to the years leading up to 2016. A time of total blindness.
In 2016, my twin brother- George, died unexpectedly and suddenly – at the age of 28. In the months that followed- I cycled through countless ways of seeing and being- readjusting my ideas about what all this is- over and over again. Fortunately, I found vipassana meditation shortly after his death.
During that first vipassana course-I was full of anger- judgment and continuously finding fault despite, being given what the teacher, Goenka- rightly describes as an invaluable gift. Prior to the sit- I was mainly concerned about my want for a cigarette and caffeine during the 10 day course.
Funny- I didn’t think about having a smoke for the entirety of the sit and-besides-there was coffee available after all. Towards the end of the course – when Metta- or loving kindness meditation -is taught, something finally broke through and I began to weep. I don’t remember when I finally stopped crying but- I’d let go of some of my defenses and no longer had such a hard edge.
Since then-I’ve continued to practice -and, there have been moments where my practice has fallen away but, thankfully- I’ve always found my way back. What Ive noticed from these gaps in practice is that- when I am consistent-I’m able to see through a wider aperture – lending to a more compassionate way of being-one of understanding. Which, if your able to see more sides to a conflict- then the trouble would, naturally- resolve itself.
Just recently finished a novel – where, we- as a civilization, inadvertently discovered an alternate earth and the alignment of the stars proved that we were living in the same time period- just, had taken an entirely different route. The inhabitants of this alt earth were Peking men – what are believed to be one of the earliest form of man. With a heavy brow, jutting chin and a bit of a hunch.
Upon discovering this- our civilization decided it would be easy to exploit this alt earth and its people-automatically labeling the Peking men substandard . And- since they seemed to lack any of the innovations we had- they must undoubtedly-be morons.
Ironically- we first approached them while armed to the tee – of which, one of the more sensible members on the team of explorers suggested that this may not be the most intelligent way to make their introduction.
In the end – we find that the Peking men’s abilities surpassed our own by possessing all the purported abilities certain masters and saints are said to have.
And, just this morning – while video conferencing with my grandmother – she saw that my son, George-was putting this toy back together but not the way it’s supposed to be. So, she quickly told him that – that wasn’t the way but – I was privy to what he did with it. Doing it the “wrong” way allowed him to use it in an entirely new and equally engaging way.
We try to come to conclusions and understanding of the world around us with the data set we have on hand but – I argue that it’s incomplete without a meditation practice. Even just starting with 10-15 minutes a day-and remaining consistent, you’ll begin to see or atleast begin to consider aspects previously unavailable to you.
As for myself- it took a great deal to allow me to see all the ways I was bringing about my own grief and unhappiness. Somehow, I was granted some grace and given this gem of vipassana meditation.
And- I am grateful.
*Cryogenic sleep, also known as suspended animation and cryosleep, refers to a deep sleep at super low temperatures. By keeping the body at these temperatures, the metabolism is reduced to its lowest possible level. The idea is that the low temperatures will keep vital functions intact while the rest of the body goes into a hibernation-like state. (Dreams.co.uk)
