We’ve seen all of the episodes – countless times and although I’ve presented my son -George, with other shows – all he ever wants is -Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. In the final episode of the last season-there is a misunderstanding and everyone is under the false impression that Pee-wee is selling the playhouse.
This episode always makes me think of Pee-wee’s (Paul Reubens) incident and the subsequent cancellation of the show. I recently learned that Paul Reubens was visiting his parents in Sarasota FL when he decided to go to that Ill fated nudey theatre. His show was immediately cancelled despite having 5 episodes left- to complete the season.
Learning of the context in which Paul Reubens was arrested – added more of an understanding to the incident. We all have our justifications and are unknowingly and continuously, making equations – moment upon moment. I’ve heard of saints and masters who are able to untangle the endless procession of cause and effect – via an unbroken awareness comprised of observation and inner silence.
But – I, like the rest of us – am not able to see where certain actions will end up and at times-surprised. One example- that happened just today- a friend of mines father passed away a few days ago and- I had a sudden urge to give her the Viktor Frankl book “Mans search for meaning”. I found my copy and -like most other occasions that warrant a note or written statement – I planned to inscribe it with a few words. But, for whatever reason – was not inspired to do so and left it blank.
I finally saw her earlier this afternoon and she was taken aback – saying, if there was one book – that defined her father- it was that one. Going on to explain that her father was a sociology professor and his class and overall philosophy – centered around “Man’s search for Meaning”. Since his death-she had pulled out her copy of the book and placed it on her night stand but – now, felt the impetus to begin reading it.
Thinking of the book and retrieving it -along with the seemingly arbitrary fact of leaving the book unsigned – added up to an equation I couldn’t have foreseen.
“You have ought to have thought about that before you got into this trouble”. A sentiment I’m sure I’ve been on the receiving end of – and, recently saw repeated in a Nelson Algren book. What if the trouble was already set in motion before the participant was ever conscious of the possibilities that loomed ahead.
Thinking back to Pee-wee – or rather, Paul- how’d they’d managed to end Pee-Wees playhouse on such a fitting note – almost as if they’d all subconsciously known what lay ahead- is somewhat remarkable or, could allude to larger notions of time not being at all linear-amongst other things. Paul made decisions – maybe as I and- we all have – arbitrarily – out of boredom-or-a passing lust, without thinking of the overarching equation that lay ahead.
With all these questions and endless combinations of outcomes that may ultimately – not be up to us , we are encouraged to push judgments aside.
And, without the expenditure of judgment – that energy can now be used cultivate something of worth .
Silence.
