I’ve always felt a little uncomfortable with saying ‘my husband’. Maybe it’s just my nature to be contrary to the way things are done and, besides – it seems him and I did very little to orchestrate the series of events that led us to being married out at sea with a crazy captain and his female dog; Pete. But – I’m veering way off course here. What I wish to say; my husbands grandmother has unwittingly presented me with a question.
We went to visit his grandmother late last week and her story has become one of confinement .
She broke her hip about three weeks ago and – this has led her to being confined to a wheelchair within a care facility where her movements are further restricted.
Most of her life- she’s lived on a large swath of land and, after her husband died-some 20 plus years ago – relatively by herself. Though, we did live out there with her for a bit – before I got pregnant and all that came after.
We went to visit her and Id never seen her so agitated. Her cadence-which is usually even and slow – was quick and uneasy. In the end – as we were leaving, she called me back – as a last ditch effort or plea for her freedom and there was little I could do besides answer her questions objectively.
How many things am I connected to that prevent me from moving ?
Oxygen – catheter and bag.
Why am I not allowed outside for a cigarette – I am paying for this place aren’t I ?
Well – according to your health issues – you’ve been labeled high risk as far as- pulmonary concerns go.
I started to think – how could one avoid such a fate later in life … I thought of all the obvious preventative measures a reasonable human – should take.. And – yes – taking care of oneself- not smoking for one- and staying active – is all sound advice but-the question I arrived at was -not how to avoid uncomfortable situations later in life, but-rather – how do I grow in equanimity and peace – in order to accept whatever challenges present themselves in life.
After all – it is all towards our benifit – our development -isn’t it …?
In time – as I continue my practice and am able to increasingly experience moments devoid of restlessness and- a little closer towards acceptance with every new challenge – I am made aware of our capacity to choose how we engage – every step of the way.
