I recently finished a novel where one of the characters has a genetic disorder- in which – he’d spontaneously time travel – leaving his wife behind to worry-sometimes fume- in his absence.
I found the characters to be two dimensional and- seemingly- not inhabiting the wisdom- I deemed, equivalent to some of the experiences they were having. Even when the characters are made aware of an impending death – one of the two lovers in this tale will die within the next few years and – still, they continue to toil in tedium.
Then I thought of how any of us regards life knowing of the eventuality of our death – it could easily be seen as lacking any wisdom – much less; urgency.
This is something I think about and meditate on; impermanence. Despite this – it’s only when things periodically align in strange ways that I come to – and-Im completely present.
I was at the grocery store and my order rang up to $47.74 and as I briefly appreciated the symmetry of this- I heard a man behind me say something to the cashier- in a British accent. Rare that I hear such an accent around here so I turn around and – it takes me a few moments to recognize the face.
Some years ago- my mother gave me a massage for my birthday with a British masseuse whom resembles John Malcovich. We were the only two people in line at the grocery store and I noticed the items he was purchasing – one package of fish and another of shrimp.
Sometimes I’ll have these ideas for a post- they’ll bop around in my head and slowly take shape. This week – I still hadn’t felt the urge to set pen to paper – so to speak – so, I waited and I then received a message from someone I knew in highschool.
I wouldn’t necessarily describe him as a friend and yet- here he was; having sought me out. Then I remembered – the one experience we had together and although I hadn’t thought of it in many many years – I was able to recall it in detail.
There was some amount of danger involved – we were both completely present for what happened that day. But – I don’t want to continue burying the lead here.
I was in tenth grade and Id ride the metro rail – followed by a city bus; home from school each day. One day- as I was waiting for the bus, a really big dude approached and offered me some pot (marijuana ). He gave me a sample and his phone number.
I took the sample back to my school friends and together we pooled enough money for an ounce. In short – he ended up ripping me off. There was barely any of it and it was improperly cured-so it turned black within a few days.
I was upset and felt responsible for all these other peoples money and trust so, I came up with a scheme to make things right. And – here is where this young man – I’ll call M.S-comes in. Not sure why or how he became involved but he offered to help execute my plan.
I would set up another transaction with the really big dude – for another ounce but – this time- we’d present him with a wad of mostly counterfeit bills. M.S. did all the printing of the bills but – they couldn’t be called counterfeit – necessarily, more like unevenly cut Monopoly money printed with low resolution ink.
We then placed it inbetween some real money, not much – maybe 10 -15 dollars worth-singles – something minimal from what I remember. The problem was – the real money made the fake money even more noticeably counterfeit. So – we decided to stick it within a cassette case.
We were on our way to meet this really big dude- with our comically fake money. Me being a petite teenage girl who looked very young for her age and M.S being a mild mannered – curly haired – glasses and typically carrying an oversized instrument with him.
We meet the really big dude – he’s about to open the case and count the money and I’m just frozen in place- when M.S. spots a bug on the man’s shirt and – nonchalantly sais “hey- you’ve got a bug on your shirt”. Then the train comes rolling into the station and I say – “we have to run and catch this train”. As M.S and I run up the escalator – I hear him yell up at us and I turn to see – he looks furious. I tell M.S – don’t turn around – but, he does so immediately. We managed to slide onto the train and – just as the really big dude reaches the doors – they’ve shut and we’re off.
In the recent message from M.S he said this is a story he still tells his friends – and it is the story that changed his life. After this happened – he grew out his hair and- claims he spent nine hours at the eye doctor attempting to put in contact lenses for the first time. He also commented on the guys size – especially relative to my own- incase I’d forgotten.
A few days after the “heist” I had some inner something or other – pushing me to call the really big dude again. I remember having to use the pay phone in front of the school and the dude was – as expected – extremely upset but – I acted as if I was unaware and he deferred responsibility to M.S. I ended up running into him later that same afternoon.
I remember the feeling at the pay phone and the feeling I had when spotting him at the train station.
So clear yet – I can’t think back on the entirety of my life with the same clarity – although, I wish I could. Whats in its place? well, the churning thoughts – the list of things to do – daydreams – all adding up to a mist laid over all the time not spent in the present moment.
But – such is life – we are here to learn and slowly – we may even garner a few moments of presence.
