After the sudden death of my brother – my partner and I flew down to Miami. It was a time where every moment felt charged and nothing felt arbitrary.
Probably what inspired my husband to remember his experience with a palm reader – a memory that stood out from his early 20s. This prompted me into action – to seek one out – which , in Miami – evidently – isn’t hard to do. Soon we had the number for a Cuban card reader named Pupi (pronounced Poopy). Maybe not a palm reader – but, close enough.
His house was filled with saints of all sizes – lining the walls were countless eyes – mostly in sorrow or-ecstasy.
Pupi spoke no English so – it was up to me to translate. He was pretty spot on about a lot of things. I remember him calling my husband “un bombillo” – a light bulb. Nothing is getting in sometimes. Oh – I definitely see that ! I said. For the rest of his reading -I mostly laughed while my husband eagerly awaited a translation.
When it came to me – he simply said I was already out the door- that I wasn’t listening to whatever he had to say. And – yes- I can get ahead of myself.
My mom was here last week for a visit and-I see – we are similar in many ways. Using up all available moments – to do. Task oriented individuals who have a tendency to skip ahead.
If I find myself with five minutes before having to go out the door-for instance, I’ll look around for a task to fill it.
While my husband – is definitely not this way. He does not economize on the moments he has nor-does he move with any kind of urgency – ever. Something about this – is appealing to me. I’d like to mix some of how he is – with some of me – maybe would land somewhere in the middle.
But – my son-George, also seems keen on tasks. When I ask for help clearing the dishwater – he eagerly launches utensils into the drawer and quickly turns around to grab more. Or – when making the bed – he’ll struggle and wrestle with a pillow until he’s managed to – atleast shove some of it – onto the bed.
Lately – we been seeing a lot of his friend Ben- who’s just two months older than George. We meet him at the library or the park- accompanied by one of his grandmothers. I’ve met each- yet, still haven’t met the parents. I’ve thought of how a child is not necessarily an extension of his parents-but, rather – an entirely new expression. Sure- I see alot of myself in my mother but- we are also very different.
So, with my son- I have to allow for his being to develop – somewhat independent of all my biases and notions. One example-he loves to watch mindless television- his requests include: fire trucks – tractors and school buses-on loop-while I, have other ideas. Ie – nature documentaries and Wes Anderson films.
All this to say – we all have something to contribute. Sometimes we may fall prey to the societal norms or outside goals that don’t resonate deeply within us. If ever- I’m under that spell – I know that I’ve lost touch – stopped tuning in- being quiet. Creeps in – it does. I skip my sitting practice for an evening and somehow – a week later, I’ve been too tired to sit any of the following nights.
Allowances and wide berths – not always what I do but – hope that I possess the awareness -to do, just that- and give whomever I encounter sufficient room to be.
With each of us being-our very own expression of the divine.
