I used to convene with my spiritual friend – and-Id tell her stories -inevitably leading us back to; the layers of consciousness are many and the subtleties of awareness; infinite.
Our lives are a perpetual process of letting go. From children growing up-to us getting older and – eventually, having to let go of this human form with the rest of it.
I can understand- objectively, the idea of transience and impermanence but – in practice, I only get hints of true knowing-usually, from the seemingly mundane.
My mother in law stops by on Wednesdays and she generally remarks how tired she is. Yesterday she followed it with, im so glad it’s Thursday tomorrow. It’s a sentiment I’ve heard from coworkers to friends- wishing life would speed up in the moments we find dull or monotonous. I started to think of how quickly it’s all going by- of perpetually letting go of systems and switching to new modes of being as my son-George, grows and evolves.
George adds an element of uncertainty to our schedule – never knowing exactly when his nap will land in the mornings-which, will then dictate-how the rest of the day goes. This has allowed me to let go of old ways of being – in areas unexpected.
Historically – I’ve always been very uptight about getting to an appointment on time – something I undoubtedly inherited from my mother-usually arriving much too early for my appointments. Somehow – I’ve experienced several examples of the following in the past year- alluding to – well, being something I’ve needed to work on.
A situation where I’ve been given an appointment and had all intentions of going-coupled with, that rare feeling of having let it go – completely. Instead -readily accepting the possibility that I may not be able to make it or – what I’d previously deemed the worst offense… be late. Each time – it’s worked out like clockwork – and I leave the house with a fed and well rested baby – without any rush or urgency.
These are the glimpses I speak of. The lessons handed to us through life circumstances- each; akin to small drops – slowly accumulating- until -suddenly, you are awash and aware of something new. Your consciousness has shifted ever so subtly.
My mother recommended a podcast this morning – where vipassana meditation was mentioned and the benefits of a sitting practice. For myself -it’s allowed me to see the series of events – in motion – where before , I wasn’t even aware of much more than how I was feeling at any given moment. Now- privy to life’s moments adding up to new insights – while remaining more equanimous- or atleast, less reactive than I used to be.
And- thankfully, I’m more readily able laugh at myself. Just yesterday – we went to the library and found the children’s area was left a mess by whomever had just been there and- I couldn’t just let it go – and hang out with George. Instead – I set about organizing each of the toy boxes- putting all the puzzles back together and then – George interrupted my frenzied puzzle-a-thon- with a telephone call on the plastic banana.
