We were shuffling to library playgroups-gymnastics and any other resource I found in my area. Each day a different place- while making sure to fill all the moments in between.
It was a bit of a mad race- to what, I’m not sure. Then – I was given permission to stop via a book that came highly recommended; Simplicity Parenting.
The author Kim John Payne advocates for less. Starting with the excess of stuff that clutters our children’s rooms – and simplifying in all other areas; schedules, diet and eliminating or- atleast, highly restricting screen time.
From the time he was born I was perpetually searching for toys and books that would aid him in some way. Then came the joy of seeing him get a new toy or – more recently, a new truck.
I was carting books home from the for sale section of the library and adding it to the piles of books he already had. Yet, he didn’t seem to enjoy any which one for very long and-this applied to his toys as well.
I started to think this was who he was – a boy with a very short attention span who veered towards being irritable and discontent.
In the book, he regards any outburst a small child may have as a “pinging” – a signaling of sorts; being overwhelmed and unaware of what to do with it.
His suggestions were not difficult to implement- in the sense that I avoid clutter – as it is and eat and live rather simply.
I trimmed down his things – down to just a basket of toys and a handful of books; making sure to eliminate the noisy toys with lots of bells and whistles. I reduced and spaced out the programs we were attending so that each day with a structured activity is followed by an open day of unstructured play.
I started to notice a difference in him not long after implementing these changes. Id watch him play with his toys in such new and inventive ways. From carefully stacking his cars in a precarious tower – to arranging them by color and size- to throwing wooden wheels to see how far he could roll them without tipping over.
I’ve also noticed a change in myself and how I regard our time. I used to hurriedly do the necessary daily tasks – sneak them in – in between his outings – but now I don’t differentiate between being his or my own time; I include him. Some days he’ll “help” me wash the dishes or make the bed- while other days he’ll sit near my feet and play with his toys or grab a book.
I recently had an experience that reminded me just how much our expectations color our experience and how we regard everyone and everything around us. I know – it’s so glaringly obvious yet the tendency remains; to slip into it unconsciously.
My mother sent me a picture of the certificate my grandmother received for completing her 7 weeks of radiation in hopes of eradicating her cancerous tumors. And after her long painful ordeal – she received a certificate-and, all I could see was that it was printed on regular paper using shoddy ink.
The next time I spoke to my mother she said that my grandmother was very proud of her certificate and waved it around like a child.
And-so, I thought of that old story – of the monkey trying to save the fish from drowning.
Context.
I’d been placing my expectations in lieu of my sons. Simplicity parenting helped me come to. He just got here-capitalize on that – start small – go slow and there’s no need to try and avert boredom; it’s good for him.
